And to Hold
by Dustbunny3
Summary: [Fearless Defenders][One-shot][Rennabelle] When she'd lived with her parents, Ren would never have been able to get away with touching a woman the way she wants to touch Annabelle. She'd always thought getting out from under their roof would mean more freedom in that regard.
A/N: Man, I suck at crossposting... Anyway! I wrote this for Femslash February. It, uh. It was _supposed_ to be fluff. And, I mean, it still ended up being fluffy, there's just also a lot more angsy than I had in mind originally. Such is life, am I right? Enjoy!

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"Damn it."

Ren bit her tongue as embarrassment followed hot after the words she hadn't meant to let slip. She turned her eyes to the wall as Annabelle craned her neck to look up from Ren's lap.

Book dropping to rest open on her chest, she asked, "Ren?" When Ren's only response was to flinch and chew at her bottom lip, she reached a hand up to lay on Ren's cheek. "Ren, hey, talk to me."

Turning her face into the touch, Ren felt frustration wind her body tight. Annabelle frowned up at her and started to sit up, which also meant pulling her hand away. Ren reacted on impulse, her own hand jumping to Annabelle's. She reined herself in at the last moment, close enough to feel Annabelle's heat, and it was enough that Annabelle kept her hand on Ren's cheek.

"I want to touch you," Ren murmured into Annabelle's palm, the words coming sharp off her tongue; she pressed a kiss over the same spot to chase away the sting. "I was watching you lay there and read and all I wanted was to run my fingers through your hair, but…"

Her hands twitched, one still on the couch armrest and one too close to Annabelle's hand for her liking; she still remembered the blood from that first time they held hands, and she forced herself to grip the back of the couch again.

Their first time together, she'd worried her hyperfocus on trying not to hurt either of them would poil the mood, but instead it had heightened her awareness of what was happening, of what she was doing– of what Annabelle was doing to her. It had been like a game, bondage without the need for physical restraints. But the longer she went without being able to return Annabelle's casual touches, the more it felt like a deck stacked against her.

"Ren," Annabelle said, drawing her attention back. She put her book aside and sat up, her hand coming away from Ren's face with a lingering caress. She turned to face Ren and was immediately cupping her face again. She bit her lip, eyes darting away and back, before suggesting, "We could switch positions? It still wouldn't really be what you want, I know, but would you like that?"

Closing her eyes on the thought, Ren took a deep breath, held it, then let it out before saying, "Yeah. I can work with that, yeah. What did you have in mind?"

A bit of shuffling later, Annabelle was reclined against the arm of the couch, supported by a throw pillow; Ren lay against her, front to front. Her arms were draped loosely around Ren, whose back was being used to prop the book she'd taken up again. Ren's own arms were wrapped much more securely around Annabelle, biceps bracketing Annabelle's ribs and forearms buried behind the throw pillow, hugging it as much as she was hugging Annabelle. The throw pillow was going to be shredded after this and her elbow was slicing into the couch cushion, but she couldn't bring herself to care with Annabelle's heart beating steady in her ear.

With one hand, Annabelle reached to run fingers through Ren's hair and trail them down Ren's back, touching Ren the way Ren wishes she could touch Annabelle. She seemed to realize it, too, as her hand jerked back on an upstroke and hovered just out of reach.

"I, uh– I'm sorry," she said. Tentatively, she settled her very fingertips at the base of Ren's neck, where they'd been when she'd remembered herself. "Is this… is this okay?"

"Fine," Ren breathed into Annabelle's neck, nuzzling her approval when the petting started again. The fabric of the pillow screamed a short protest as her hands flexed around it. Before Annabelle could hesitate, she insisted, "This is fine, really."

And, mostly, it really is.


End file.
